Save You Tonight
by al-fearless13
Summary: Maddie's struggles in the world of the Abby Lee Dance Company
1. Chapter 1

Hi! This is my first Dance Moms story, and I'm not really sure where exactly I'm going with it, but we'll see. Basing it a bit off of the dance and lyrics of Cry, Maddie's solo from season one. I just feel like Maddie's been down lately and I wanted to make that into a story.

* * *

Ten minutes til the girls were supposed to be onstage, and Chloe was missing. Everyone was loud and bustling, and the only person that noticed was Christie. Nia was finishing Paige's hair, Brooke was helping Mackenzie stretch, and Maddie was practicing in the corner, as usual. Chloe was strangely absent. As Christie took in the scene before her, Kelly piped up. "Where's Chlo?" she asked.

"I don't know," Christie replied. Kelly shrugged and went to go check on Nia and Paige.

"Maddie," Christie called, and Maddie ended a turn facing her, eyebrows raised. "Have you seen Chloe?"

"She's still not back?" Maddie asked, surprised.

"You know where she is? We don't have much time," Christie said. She was about to ask where Chloe was when Maddie pulled off her shoes (the girls weren't allowed to go anywhere in them) and took off running.  
"Maddie, wait!" Christie called, getting Melissa's attention. "Just tell me where she is!"

"I can't," Maddie yelled back, "It's a secret!"

Melissa walked over. "Is she going to get Chloe?" she asked.

Christie nodded. "Where did she go?"

Melissa shook her head. "I don't know. Maddie wouldn't tell me either. But as long as someone knows, I figure it's okay."

Christie sighed and nodded again. "I hope she's okay."

"Oh, she must be," Melissa said confidently. "Maddie would have said something if she wasn't."

* * *

Maddie could hear her footsteps pounding as she ran down the sickly golden hall, all grace left behind. Why hadn't Chloe come back yet? She said she'd be back in the dressing room in just a few minutes.

She reached a fork in the halls and turned left, praying she was moving in the right direction. She glanced ahead and saw the sign for the bathrooms and exhaled in relief. "Chlo!" she called, but there was no answer. She stopped running and started walking. She cautiously slipped into the bathroom. "Chloe? You still in here?"

There was a sniffling from the far stall, and Maddie peeked under the door. A pair of feet clad in tights compulsively flexed and pointed, and Maddie got down on her hands and knees. She could see the tutu against the wall, so she crawled clumsily under the door, the heels of her hands making small thuds against the dark tile.

"Chlo," Maddie whispered, pulling herself over to Chloe and wrapping her arms around her friend. "What's wrong?"

Chloe didn't move, just continued trying not to cry. Maddie hugged her for a few seconds and then felt a tear drop onto her shoulder. Immediately her mind flashed the words "make-up" and she grabbed a roll of toilet paper. She tore some off and started wiping Chloe's eyes and talking to her about Mackenzie. Chloe quieted.

"Is my mom coming?" she finally asked, her voice quieter than normal.

"No, but I can go get her."

"No!" Chloe said quickly, and then she fell silent.

Maddie waited a beat before saying, "I didn't tell anyone where you were. Your mom asked but I told her I'd get you myself. We have to go now. I know you're super nervous, but you'll be fine," Maddie said with a smile. "I love watching you dance. Everyone does. You're always so _fierce!_"

Chloe faked a smile and allowed Maddie to pull her to her feet. When Maddie's arms wrapped around her again, Chloe wanted to writhe, but she took a deep breath and held still. Maddie pulled away and grabbed Chloe's hand. "Come on, we have to go!"

Maddie tugged Chloe all the way down the hall and back to the dressing room.

No one seemed to notice Chloe's bloodshot eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Backstage all the girls were quiet. Maddie glanced at everyone: most of the girls were sizing up the competition already onstage, girls in black outfits with lots of rhinestones on their headpieces that were doing some sort of contemporary jazz routine. Chloe was standing off to the side but she looked like her normal self again, shaking out her hands and feet. Maddie watched the team onstage for a few more seconds and then went down to the carpet to work on her turns again.

The turns were therapeutic for Maddie, and she did them every chance she got. 1 and turn, 3 and turn, 5 and turn, 7 and stop. Once she was done spotting, she noticed a few people watching her and she quickly ran up the steps to rejoin her team. She had unconsciously learned to dislike being the object people were staring at.

There was applause from the audience and she gently pushed her way to the front of the clump, right behind Paige. Suddenly the announcer was speaking and then there was more applause. The music started and Maddie was lost in the whirlwind of the dance. She watched Paige run out onto the stage and do a perfect tuck, and then it was her turn to make an appearance. A few leaps, turns, and aerials later, it was over. Maddie could have sworn it had only been seconds. But then, her breathing was harder and she was smiling out at the crowd, at the judges.

Dancers from other teams were congratulating them as they walked back to the dressing room to see the moms and get the verdict from Abby. The hallways always seemed longer on the way back to the moms. Maddie always dreaded it. Going back after the group dances wasn't so bad, though. It was the aftermath of the solo performances that she truly despised. Everyone was always saying ugly things about her, to the point that Maddie made her own skin crawl if she thought about it too much.

Abby was always the last one back in the room, so it was just the moms at first. They all seemed pleased, praising Paige for her tuck and congratulating Nia on her performance as a whole. Chloe's turns were beautiful and Brooke's flexibility never fails to be perfect. The judges will be so impressed.

Maddie sat alone at her mirror, removing her make-up from her face, pretending she was Mulan. Alone in the dark, but brave, taking off her make-up to reveal her true self. Melissa came over and started doing Maddie's hair. "Good job, sweetie," she said quietly, so no one else could hear. Maddie couldn't bring herself to smile. She just pretended she hadn't heard.

She immediately flashed back to when Abby made her bring all of her crowns to the studio and lay them out on the table. Maddie had wanted the studio floor to swallow her up. She may have actually been happy there, listening to people dance. But the floor hadn't swallowed her, and she was forced to look at the annoyed, frustrated, embarrassed, and sad faces of the girls she was supposed to call friends. She would, but she wasn't quite sure if they would callher their friend.

Suddenly the door was opening, and Abby was there, loud as always. "Girls!" she barked out, but Maddie wasn't afraid of her. She was just agitated. She wanted quiet, for her mom to stop touching her. She wanted silence in the dressing room, on the bus home, for the rest of her life. Silence. That seemed doable. Silence would be okay. There was no effort in silence, and she could still dance without music. Sometimes the silent dances were the most powerful.

"How do you think you did?" Abby squawked, and the girls mumbled a quiet response. They came to a consensus that they had performed "okay," as they said. Maddie was fighting not to roll her eyes. It had been bad. Not awful, but definitely not "okay."

"Good job, Maddie," Abby called to the back of the room. Maddie made eye contact, nodded, and went back to her work. Abby threw her hands up and collapsed into a chair. "Make sure you're running that number, Chloe," she continued, and Chloe nodded and hurried to the corner to start practicing the difficult parts of her routine. Maddie thought she spotted a glint in Chloe's eye that wasn't passion. It was the sadness that Maddie unknowingly reflected in her own expression.

Maddie was brushing blush onto her cheeks when Abby called Melissa out into the hallway. Secretly, Maddie was glad her mother was gone, but she returned in a few moments. Suddenly, Melissa was gushing with praise for Maddie and the group number in general. Glad she was done with her make-up, Maddie threw her brush down and pushed away from her chair and out of the room.

"Maddie, where are you going?" Abby called, but the door had already slammed shut. Maddie wasn't quite sure where this anger had come from, perhaps all the noise in the dressing room, the lack of acknowledgement (most likely the latter, but Maddie didn't want to admit it to herself).

"Maddie!" Abby yelled, coming out of the dressing room to follow her. She stopped but didn't turn. Abby walked in front of her, bent down. "What's gotten into you lately?" she asked, but she wasn't barking like usual. She was talking normally, the way she did when she worked at the front desk. Something about Abby's tone made Maddie's chest ache. Maddie labeled the feeling "longing." Her eyes filled with tears, but she put her head down before Abby could see, swearing to herself she wouldn't let a single one fall.

"Hey," Abby said, brushing some of Maddie's flyaway hairs back into her bun. "Maddie. Really. What's happening?"

Maddie shook her head, cleared her throat. "I just want some water. I'm not feeling very well."

"I don't believe you," Abby said. With those words, something inside Maddie broke. She snapped her head up to look in Abby's eyes, her expression nothing less than a glare. Then Maddie broke away, walking briskly to the water fountain. She drank deeply, trying to swallow the feelings she was experiencing. She couldn't explain what had come over her lately. She allowed herself to shake at the water fountain for a moment before she took a few deep breaths and started the walk back. Abby was still standing there when she returned.

Abby bent back down and wrapped Maddie into a hug. Maddie wanted to break free and run forever, never looking back. She allowed Abby to hold her for a moment, and when Abby met her eyes, Maddie saw worry in them for an instant, and then it disappeared.

"Get back in there," Abby said, giving Maddie's back a little shove. Maddie breathed deeply all the way back to her mirror. She breathed deeply as she pinned her hairclip next to her bun, as she put the finishing touches on her make-up.

And then the lady from the competition was there, saying she needed Maddie and Chloe for their solos. Usually the girls held hands on their way to the stage, but Maddie had her arms wrapped so tightly around herself that she was afraid to let go. She was trying to hold her body together for fear that it would collapse.


	3. Chapter 3

The closer Maddie got to the stage, the more she felt she could understand Chloe's nerves. When her name was called and she sashayed out onto the stage, she realized something; if she were to lose her division, the only person she'd let down would be Abby. Everyone else would be satisfied with Maddie coming in second or third. And maybe, if she lost, then someone else could be at the top of the pyramid. Someone like… Chloe.

Maddie heard her music start, and she started to move. She wanted to dance badly for once, just one time, but her body resisted. Melissa was right, Maddie _was_ a machine. Her muscle memory was stronger than her will power, and Maddie started to panic. She forced herself to step out of a turn with a loud THUD. She was mortified, but she knew it was for the best.

She could practically hear Abby sigh. Why had Abby come after her earlier anyway? And what on earth had she said to Melissa that changed her whole attitude? Maddie was tired of it. As much as she loved "Dance Moms," she wished they had never done the show. Sure it was still bad, but now that they were on TV, the moms were constantly fighting for the spotlight.

Maddie knew they were agitated that she was winning before the show (she'd been undefeated then), but it was nothing like this. Now they all wanted their child to shine on television as well as in the real world. The only one of the moms Maddie really liked was Holly. She never yelled like Christie, and Maddie was envious of the way she talked to Nia. Always so calm and supportive. Maddie loved Melissa, because that was what she was supposed to do. She didn't love her dad and she preferred her mother, but she still wished things were different.

And then Maddie realized she was in her ending pose, listening to applause. Maddie gave one last smile at the judges and then sashayed right back off the way she'd entered. Offstage, Maddie sighed and buried her head in her hands, praying they'd take off enough points for her to get second.

* * *

Finally, it was Chloe's turn. The girls always waited backstage together, but today neither of them spoke. Maddie was lost in thought, and Chloe was wrapped up in her own. When Chloe was about to go on, Maddie turned to Chloe and said, "I know you'll be perfect." Chloe nodded in thanks and stepped out onto the stage.

Maddie was standing in the wings, watching Chloe's every move. She was elegant and smooth, the way she was supposed to be, and Maddie's spirits lifted slightly. Chloe had complete potential to beat her this week, and she couldn't have been happier.

"You were so good!" Maddie squealed after Chloe waltzed offstage. Maddie couldn't help but throw her arms around her friend, and Chloe was all smiles. When Maddie said something was good, she meant it.

_Thank God she'll beat me_, Maddie thought with a smile, and then dove into praising Chloe's dancing. Chloe drank up Maddie's words and seared them into her memory, smirking when she remembered Maddie falling out of her turn. Maddie didn't stop all the way back to the dressing room, and once they were inside, Maddie burst out, "Wasn't Chloe wonderful?"

Everyone instantly began chattering in agreement, but Abby made herself heard. "You were both wonderful," she said loudly, with emphasis on the word "both." Maddie decided not to acknowledge the comment since no one else had said anything.

_I wish you hadn't said that,_ Maddie thought, looking at Abby. All the moms were squabbling as she started getting changed into her ALDC clothes, talking to Chloe. Holly was watching Maddie's face as she silently took off her tights and replaced them with hot pink sweatpants. Holly murmured something to Nia, who nodded and walked over to Maddie.

"You did a great job," Nia was saying, but Maddie couldn't focus. "You looked like a princess up there."

Maddie smiled and said a word of thanks before dismissing herself to go wander the halls. Soon it was time to go to awards, and Maddie put on her fuzzy boots to match the rest of the girls. They usually walked in a line across, but Maddie hung back this time.

She dreaded awards, praying that Chloe and the group number would come in first. If she got second, maybe Abby would still be pleased. No one could have beat Chloe with that number.

Sitting on the stage seemed to take forever. It was like listening to a faucet dripping in the next room – monotonous. Still, Maddie could have sat there forever. No one was acknowledging her, the way she liked it.

The announcer announced group after group, and finally it was their division. Solos first. All the way up to 3rd place, Maddie hadn't been called and she was starting to get nervous.

Second place was about to be called, and Maddie was about to stand up when the announcer called Chloe's name. Maddie felt tears rush to her eyes and she noticed that Chloe looked a little less excited than usual, probably because everyone was talking her up. Maddie tried to shoot her a wordless apology, but Chloe wouldn't look back.

Maddie was announced first and got up to take her plaque and trophy, but she could barely keep a smile on her face, she was trying so hard not to cry. Then they switched to announcing the top 10 group numbers. "Four tenths of a point separate second from first," the man said excitedly into the microphone.

Second place was announced and all the moms were rustling in their seats. The girls were all holding hands, even Maddie. "And first place goes to… The Abby Lee Dance Company!"

All the girls jumped up screaming. Paige threw her arms around Maddie, who was caught completely off guard. "I knew we could do it!" Paige said excitedly, and Maddie returned her grin.

_Maybe Paige doesn't hate me,_ she wondered.

"Who's your dance teacher?" the man asked, and then held the microphone to the girls.

"Miss Abby Lee Miller!" they shouted, and then cheered some more. Abby was smiling in the audience and gave Maddie a look of approval. Maddie faked a smile and turned back to her teammates. Everyone seemed on top of the world... except Chloe.


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone chattered all the way back to the dressing room. They chattered as they cleaned up and they chattered as they walked through the lobby out to the bus. Once everyone started getting on the bus, things quieted.

Chloe was sitting with Paige and they were holding hands but not talking. Maddie sat in the back row and hoped no one would join her. Melissa was sitting across the aisle from her, but could sense that her daughter wanted space and left her alone.

When Brooke got on the bus, she made a beeline for the back and plopped down next to Maddie. She didn't say anything at first and Maddie stared out the window, willing the silence to continue. Maddie kept replaying the loud noise her foot had made against the stage when she stepped out of the turn, driving herself crazy.

There was a tap on her knee, and Maddie looked over to see Brooke turned towards her. "Relax," she smiled, and Maddie realized her fists and teeth had been clenched. Embarrassed, she released them and breathed in through her nose.

Brooke leaned her head on the seat and looked at Maddie. "What's wrong, Mad?" she asked softly. Maddie just looked, her big eyes locked on Brooke's. Brooke held her arms out and Maddie leaned into them. She sniffled a bit and felt Brooke's grip tighten. "It's okay, Maddie," she said. "I love you."

Maddie froze. _I love you._ Those words were not taken lightly. She thought the girls despised her. Maybe the Hyland girls were on her side after all. With this thought came a rush of relief, and Maddie smiled. Spirits lifted, she returned the hug and sat up.

Maddie passed into a dreamless sleep, and it felt like only minutes later when the bus was back at the Abby Lee Dance Company parking lot. Maddie slept the rest of the way home.

* * *

Before Maddie knew it, the girls were back at pyramid. Mackenzie, Brooke, and Nia were on the bottom for the same reasons as always. Abby wanted to see more from Paige, who took her spot on the middle row next to Chloe.

Maddie looked at the floor as her picture was revealed atop the sick pyramid Abby had begun doing at the command of the Dance Moms producers. Still, Miss Abby announced that Maddie had "screwed up the turns" in the group number, bringing a small smile to Maddie's face. She saw Kelly smile as well, which made her smile grow.

"Maddie, Paige, and Chloe will be doing a number," Abby barked out, and all the moms but Holly smiled. She went on to discuss the group number, but Maddie had tuned out. She was wondering why Chloe was crying in the bathroom and about Paige's hug when the group number won.

Abby dismissed the moms and told the girls to stretch. Maddie took her normal place in front of the mirror, but the more she looked at Chloe's reflection in the mirror, the more she began to study her own. Chloe was flawlessly beautiful. She looked like a cleaner, more angelic version of Christie. Maddie looked… plain. Awkward.

It was no wonder everyone expected her to be graceful. She looked the part of a ballerina even when she wasn't moving. Maddie's eyes roamed back to her own image. Brown hair. Chloe was blonde, and she always appeared to be glowing because of it. But Maddie looked darker, just like everyone else. Chloe was unique, beautiful, elegant. Maddie was short and only had grace when she danced.

Maddie's hand brushed her hair back, her eyes deeply sad. _Chloe's so much prettier than me,_ she thought. She sighed, stretching down to adjust her jazz shoes and noticed Chloe smiling at her in the mirror. It wasn't a malicious smile like Maddie imagined it would be; she just looked… well, like herself. Like the Chloe she went to the state fair with, the Chloe she sang with on the bus, that woke her up the night the thunder frightened her at a sleepover.

Maddie tried to return the smile, but it was too hard. She asked to go to the bathroom. Gia was telling her she'd only been in the room for eight minutes and that she'd had half an hour before class started, but Maddie was already out the door and to the bathroom. She hurriedly locked the door to the whole bathroom before anyone could come after her, and then she closed herself in the big stall where she pushed herself against the corner where the walls met. She focused on breathing deeply, in through her nose and out through her mouth, over and over. It was working, but not the way she wanted it to. She needed her thoughts to stop racing.

Instead of deep breathing, she switched to slow breathing. Inhale. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Exhale. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Inhale again.

She continued this until she felt calmer. Only then did she notice Gia knocking at the door. "Maddie, you need to get out here. Paige and Chloe are waiting. Maddie, come on. Now!"

She sighed, frustrated, pushing herself up off the ground hard and shoving out the bathroom door, letting it smack the wall. She unlocked the main door and flung it open, stalking out to the glass door to the studio. She rolled her shoulders a bit before taking a breath and walking in. Chloe was working on turns in front of the mirror, her ponytail flying out behind her each time.

As the door swung shut behind Maddie, Chloe pulled herself to a stop and placed her hands on her hips as she walked back to her spot for the trio. Gia opened the door again. She looked at Maddie, raised her eyebrows, and said sharply, "Lose the attitude. Got it?"

Maddie nodded her yes. Abby gave her a stern look as Gia closed the door again. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," Maddie mumbled.

"What?" Abby asked.

"Nothing!" Maddie shouted, and immediately clapped her hands over her mouth.

"I'm gonna let that go because we're behind now," Abby said. "Don't you dare turn into some know-it-all diva." Abby turned

Maddie glanced up to the observation window. She knew Melissa wasn't there, but Kelly and Christie were. They were talking and smiling, and when they looked back down at Maddie, she was staring at them with a blank expression. She needed them to know she was aware that they were talking about her. And how she managed not to get in trouble, no doubt. If acting out made them happy, that was what Maddie continued to do, at least while Melissa wasn't around.

She was throwing her life away to please everyone else. Just like her mother.


	5. Chapter 5

As the weeks went by, Maddie worsened. She always played the part of perfect daughter and perfect sister at home, but it was becoming harder at the studio every day. With the moms constantly watching her, she grew more paranoid about how Melissa was handling it. She had threatened before to pull Maddie from the competition because of how the other moms were acting, but Maddie was torn. She could start losing and start hating dance, or she could win and make things hard for everyone around her.

Both options seemed terrible.

She used to like winning. It had turned into a war every time she did anymore, but she really did used to enjoy it. Her undefeated season was the highlight of her life; was she willing to pass it up that easily? She wasn't sure.

Occasionally she'd roll her eyes at Abby and get a stern look. She made less of an effort to remember choreography, and she started leaving at the same time as the other girls, which satisfied her mother. The other mothers were lavishing in Maddie's second place titles, though Chloe was still losing.

The competition this week they were dressed like schoolgirls, complete with black ballet shoes and ties, and Peyton was dancing with them. Maddie always pretended to like Peyton, but in reality, she was terrified of her. Peyton was aggressive and controlling. The fact that she was so much older and taller was intimidating, too. When it came down to it, Peyton did want the girls to like her, but Maddie had a feeling she merely wanted popularity.

Through practice, Maddie made little effort as had become the norm. Abby kept looking at Maddie like she couldn't believe what was going on, but Maddie didn't care. She was too focused on the moms upstairs. They were talking about her, no doubt. Melissa noticed Maddie looking and gave a smile, but it was halfhearted. They must be talking about her again.

Maddie sighed, glad they were leaving for the competition the next day. She spent all night practicing turns in front of her mirror, trying not to let her tears fall. She leaned against the wall and sighed, her head in her hands. She breathed in. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Out. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

She walked sadly to her bed, unsure of what to do. Making sure for the fourth time that she'd packed everything seemed like a good idea. Toothbrush, toothpaste, hairspray, make-up, costumes, stuffed alligator, tights, shoes, sweats… Everything was there. Again.

Maddie climbed into bed and turned out the light but couldn't manage sleep. Her mind was racing, filled with thoughts of the competition tomorrow. She squeezed her eyes shut, desperately trying to make everything disappear.

Over and over again her brain created terrible scenarios, things that could never happen, but they all ended in Maddie or Melissa getting yelled at, and that was one of the things Maddie hated the most.

She threw her covers off and threw her bedroom door open, taking off down the hall. She stopped in front of the bedroom door covered in glittered stickers. "Mackenzie's Room" it read in curly pink letters.

Maddie hesitantly opened the door. It seemed better when she was in her bedroom. Now that she was in the doorway, she was nervous. What if Kenzie was angry about being woken up?

"Maddie?" came a small voice. Mackenzie had sat up halfway to look at her. Maddie shut the door behind her and hurried over to her, climbing in next to her. Maddie laid down next to her sister, who hugged her. Maddie buried her face in Mackenzie's shoulder and exhaled.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Mackenzie asked at her regular, slightly loud volume.

Maddie nodded and put a finger to her lips, pushing Kenzie back into the pillows.

"You can stay," she said sleepily, burrowing down into her blankets. Maddie returned Mackenzie's hug and didn't let go until Melissa woke the girls in the morning.

* * *

It was still dark outside when the Zeiglers left the house and began the drive to ALDC. Time seemed to be moving slower, and Maddie lost herself in thought as she stared out the window into the blackness and the orange streetlights.

"Mad," Melissa said. Maddie turned to look at her mom in the rearview mirror. Mackenzie was sleeping on Maddie's left, and that meant Melissa could say whatever she wanted. Maddie wound her arms around herself tightly, praying the conversation would end shortly even though she knew it wasn't realistic.

"What's gotten into you lately?" Melissa asked, sounding sad.

Maddie rolled her eyes and resumed looking out the window. A moment later, Melissa spoke again.

"Maddie, please tell me what's wrong. Do you want to stop dancing?"

"No," Maddie rushed out. "No. I don't."

"Then what's wrong? Maddie, please, I just want to help."

Maddie shook her head, not wanting to get into this. Inside, she wanted to tell Melissa everything; how Peyton was so mean to her, how Chloe wanted to beat her, how it made the other moms happy to see Maddie fail. How her only friends left were Paige and Brooke, and that she wasn't even sure if they were there for her. Chloe and Paige were best friends, and Maddie knew Chloe came first, which knocked her out of the running. But she knew she couldn't utter a word without starting a huge knock-down, drag-out fight between all the moms.

She wanted out of the car, to run and run. She felt like she was drowning. Tears couldn't come, she wouldn't allow it; tears meant weakness. Maddie was to save her tears for her pillow, just like all the other girls. The favoritism from Abby was undeniable. She loved it, but she loathed it as well. She closed her eyes and swallowed.

If only Abby didn't love her the most.

Seeing Maddie's pain, Melissa dropped the issue. They drove the rest of the way to the studio in silence as Maddie unraveled inside.


	6. Chapter 6

The green room was smaller than the girls were used to, which meant they were forced to work more closely to each other than usual. Maddie made sure to get a spot by Nia, so she could hear Holly's gentle voice. Chloe placed herself all the way across the room. Paige followed, bouncy and giggly. Chloe tried to smile and keep up with her best friend's excitement, but it was impossible. The only thing she could think about was the solos this week, and how Maddie had only beaten her by one point at the last competition.

Maddie put pin after pin in her mouth and then her hair. Melissa came over when Maddie was about halfway through the card of pins, and was immediately frustrated. "This again, Mad? Really?"

Maddie ignored her, mentally shaking her head and rolling her eyes. She stared into the mirror and reached for more bobby pins as Melissa leaned down to speak into her ear. "Madison, I don't know what has gotten into you in the last couple of weeks," she began, and Maddie felt her small hands clench tighter, "but I've noticed a lot of changes in your behavior. You're not the Maddie I know."

Maddie shook her head but quickly stopped, sliding another pin off the paper and opening it with her teeth. She roughly pushed it into her bun so that it scraped against her head, letting some of her anger release. She was lost in thought, forgetting that Melissa was talking next to her.

"Maddie, are you listening to me? Maddie?"

"Leave me alone, Mom, I'm fine," Maddie muttered, reaching to grab more pins off the counter, but Melissa snatched them away and started yelling at her.

"You don't give a damn about _anything_ anymore, Maddie! You barely even speak! What's gotten into you lately? You make me want to tear my hair out! I've been so stressed about whether or not to take you to a doctor, I don't know what's wrong and you bottle everything, keep it all to yourself! How is anyone supposed to help you? I'm your mother, you have to tell me these things!"

The dressing room was silent. Christie and Kelly were smiling at each other, eyebrows raised, and Holly and Abby were clearly concerned. Maddie was staring expressionlessly at her mother. She blinked, swallowed, and then evenly said, "Mom. Calm down. I'm fine."

"I can't do it," Melissa cried, putting her hands to her head. "I can't be around her right now, I can't," she said to Abby, throwing Maddie's pins back on the counter and rushing out of the room.

Christie laughed, but Abby went to Maddie. "Listen to me," she said, bending down to be at Maddie's eye level. "I know your mom is stressed. I know something's up with you. But I need you to go out on that stage and dance like you're alive, like I know you can. We can talk about this later, but there's not time right now. Put all that yelling and all that anger behind you. I need you to dance like you're never going to dance again. Can you do that?" Maddie nodded. "Good girl," Abby smiled, pulling her into a hug.

Maddie didn't know whether to stay stiff like a board or hug Abby forever and never let go. She went with the board option, even though she knew it made her seem heartless as anything. When Abby pulled back, she shook her head sadly and stood up. Maddie looked up to see Christie staring, an angry glint in her eye. Maddie could practically smell her thoughts; Chloe never gets that kind of attention, ever. Miss Abby's playing favorites again. If only Maddie could transfer her favoritism…

Abby waved Paige and Chloe over to the door. Maddie slid her jazz shoes on, took one last look in the mirror, and joined them. "Moms, I'll see you in there," Abby announced, and they were off down the hallway. Maddie was praying not to see Melissa. Paige and Chloe held hands all the way to the stage. It was clear that Paige could see something was bothering Chloe, but that she wasn't acknowledging it.

The girls managed to make it backstage without crossing paths with Mrs. Ziegler, and Maddie was relieved. She went backstage, glad that her routine was a darker one. Not like Chloe's dark routines, but similar. She knew she could put her passion into it, and breathe dance like Miss Abby had asked her to. Still, she knew she'd have to make some mistakes in order to make Christie and Chloe happy. She started choreographing slip-ups and thuds into her routine. Which turns could she "accidentally" fall out of but still manage to do her next steps?

Paige went first, a cute, simple happy routine per usual. She danced well, and Maddie enjoyed watching her, though she wished she could have enjoyed it as much as she would have a year ago when things were easier.

Chloe was next, and she looked flawless. She was like a Barbie-gone-wrong onstage, fierce and sassy and strong. Maddie loved watching Chloe dance so much that she forgot she was the next contestant, and forgot to do those last few warm-up moves backstage. _Good_, she thought. Even more of a leg up for Chlo – literally.

Maddie walked onto the stage with a little pep in her step, not her usual sashay like Miss Abby taught her. She hopped into her sitting pose at the front of the stage, and ceased all motion, waiting for the music to start.

When her song first came over the loudspeakers, Maddie danced as she had been taught. But as she went, she was able to do more and more to push her boundaries. She felt powerful doing things wrong on purpose. She knew no one could do anything to stop her. It brought a smile to her face. She sickled a foot, "forgot" to point a toe, and fell out of two turns. Her side aerial was flawless, but for the last three eight counts, she fought the music and danced half a beat behind.

When the routine was over, she walked off the same way she'd come on. People were congratulating her, and Paige ran to hug her. Everything seemed fine until Maddie felt something running down her face. _Blood,_ she thought. When did she get hit? She would have had to have scratched herself with her nails or dragged her face along the stage, and she surely would have notice both of those things. What happened?

"I'm hurt," she said aloud, but realized immediately that saying it was a mistake. It wasn't blood. Chloe was staring at her. It was a tear; Maddie was crying.

"What happened, Maddie?" Paige asked, but Maddie just pretended her elbow was bothering her. "I didn't see you fall…?"

"I know," Maddie said, trying to smile. "I must have stretched it too hard or something. Maybe it popped. It's fine."

"Are you sure?" Chloe asked timidly.

Maddie nodded quickly and the girls went back through the maze of halls to meet their moms. Melissa was nowhere to be found.

Holly's eyes immediately landed on Maddie. "You did a wonderful job, sweetie."

Maddie forced the best smile she could. "Thank you, Miss Holly!"

"You're welcome, Maddie. Is it okay if I ask you a question?"

Maddie nodded nervously and followed Nia's mom outside. Honestly, she'd been glad for the fresh air; all she could smell before had been hairspray. They sat down, and Holly let Maddie have her space, which Maddie was thankful for. Holly looked at the little dancer, obviously concerned for her.

"I just wanted to check in with you, make sure you've been doing okay. Things have seemed really strained lately with you and you seem really… I don't know, Maddie. Really sad."

Holly's gentle voice was so calm and welcoming, and Maddie had to bite her lip right there. Holly held out her arms. Maddie stared at them for a long moment before scooting closer and resting her head against Holly's chest. Holly seemed relieved that Maddie had given into herself and allowed a bit of comfort.

Maddie sniffled and a few tears fell, and then the flood came. She was sobbing, and she knew that the make-up would be everywhere but she didn't care. It felt so good to finally break down, give in, let go. Holly reached under Maddie's legs and picked her up, pulling Maddie into her lap so she could hold her better. Maddie didn't protest, merely wrapped her arms around Holly's neck and stayed put.

"Please," she choked out in between sobs, "p-please don't t-tell my…" She trailed off for a moment before finishing. "My mom."

Holly pulled Maddie to look at her. "What's going on with her, huh? Why was she yelling at you?"

Maddie dissolved into a fresh round of tears. "She only loves me if I win. But everyone hates us if I win. So I lose. I have to. I hate dance!"

Holly's eyes shifted to the door they'd come through, so Maddie looked too. Standing in the archway…

Was Abby.


End file.
